The Eye of the Tiger, the Thrill of the Hunt, the Moment of Anticipation
The Eye of the Tiger, the Thrill of the Hunt, the Moment of Anticipation
Q: You mentioned your friend said she likes to go shopping with friends in a physical store and if she bought something online, she wouldn’t have the joy of achieving victory in arriving at the store, choosing a delicious piece of candy, enjoying it with her friends (actualizing the anticipation). Do you ever feel that same dynamic?
A: Yeah. I mean when I’m paying the bills, there’s definitely this … you don’t get the first thing you see or the first thing you like. I struck out the last two times when I went to the store. I haven’t really liked what I got.
Q: Why not shop online?
A: Well, because one time I did, I got pink dresses for my daughters and it didn’t fit my bust, possibly because it was manufactured in China…and it made me look pregnant which I wasn’t. And it was already kind of tricky to find dresses that matched both of my girls which I did online, matching that, at a local retail store, in my size wasn’t what I’d prefer to do.
Q: Ah, so when you really need something more custom, like dresses for your daughters and yourself, you shop IRL, in physical stores?
A: I do now because when I shopped for these online it didn’t work. I got golden dresses the year before for the girls from Costco, then I went to Salvation Army and tried on dresses that were of a similar style but the one that made me look great but cost too much for me
Q: How much?
A: $50. It was $50 because it was nice brand. I was looking for Gold with chevrons. And I found one but it just didn’t fit me as well as the $50 dress in some spots.
Q: What spots?
A: It was a dress suit but it made me look very slim…but it was $50.
Q: OK, and that was above your price range. Where’d you see it? What brand was it?
A: Salvation Army, and I don’t really remember the brand.
Q: I asked your other friend in Canada: if she could touch a picture of her friends eating Oreo cookies in the US, would she? She said no because she has to check her schedule, her son’s schedule, her budget, etc. Do you also do that?
A: Well, I don’t see how the schedule matters because it can just be delivered any time. You don’t even have to be at your house when it’s delivered.
Q: She was just saying like before she can go to the store, she has to check her schedule, pick up people here, make dinner at this time, taxes, tithing, kids, calling, mortgage payments, rent, etc. Do you do that?
A: Definitely. That’s why I didn’t buy that beautiful $50 dress. It was above my budget but next time I see something like that I’m going to buy it. I didn’t like how my last Christmas dress looked on me when I was just trying to match the kids but that doesn’t work very well considering my… measurements.
Q: Anticipatory Thinking. It’s important — most people anticipate positive events in the future, and that gives them endorphins and it gives them something to look forward to.
A: Yeah. Like vacations, my husband likes to ask me about vacations like a while in advance, so we can both look forward to it, ya know, to get through the harder days. So, definitely, that’s good. And I did anticipate how we’d look on that Sunday together on the porch swing and we all looked really good, even though I didn’t like that particular dress I was wearing. And then the Christmas dresses too when my youngest son had two casts on his arm — they were red and green — and the beautiful Christmas tree behind us. Sounds like a teeny detail but it made all the difference and it was a gorgeous picture. And, ya know, sometimes we anticipate things in a positive way but then that doesn’t happen.
Q: OK, thanks. Do you see yourself as someone who usually anticipates positive future events?
A: Yeah. I think if you anticipate positive events, you are more happy and if you anticipate negative events, it’s like why should I keep struggling through these challenges, only to get not a reward but more blame or something. If you’re thinking about all these reasons why things are going to go wrong. If you think you’ll have new and exciting experiences, and if you think about difficult challenges as like part of the challenge
Q: Like when you find weapons that upgrade your RPG character, like Mario, Luigi, Princess in the Super Mario games and like Zelda?
A: Like when you take your kids to the National Zoo — and you anticipate the great time you’ll have with the animals, it’s easier if you think about how much fun all of you are going to have instead of how tired your feet are going to be at the end of the day. If you focus on the negative part, then you might think, what’s the point? You can focus on the great interactions your little ones will have with the animals or enjoy it yourself, like seeing a baby monkey or the panda, it’ll be a lot more enjoyable.
Q: I remember you mentioned you have an event this coming weekend at your church where you volunteer in your community.
A: All of it. I was thinking about how great it is — the challenge, preparing the children to sing and speak and share a scripture, it all makes me focus and that helps me overcome how I feel nervous and feel there’s not enough time, which others might call “stress.”
Q: So really it’s only on Easter and Christmas — special occasions — that you enjoy the Eye of the Tiger, the thrill of the hunt — as part of your shopping habits?
A: Not generally but definitely for Easter and Christmas because my Mom always bought me and my sisters a dress for those holidays. She never bought one for herself but I do because I want to be included in this…creating something beautiful. And when you think about it, shopping online or URL it really isn’t as exhilarating as going shopping during the holidays, not knowing exactly what you’ll buy but having some idea of what you need — and searching online after a while just hurts my eyes.
Q: What do you think about the view of Nathan Jorgensen’s who works at SnapChat, that people who see a difference between digital and physical worlds Digital Dualism — IRL vs. URL —
Digital dualists believe that the digital world is “virtual” and the physical world “real.”This bias motivates many of the critiques of sites like Facebook and the rest of the social web and I fundamentally think this digital dualism is a fallacy.
A: I don’t know about all that. I prefer to shop online for the average thing like groceries or arts and crafts but when it’s a special occasion, there might be one or two dresses that you can touch and fell and try on to see how it looks on you and to see how it might match or not match with the dresses I bought for my daughters.
Q: Have you ever felt like you had too many choices, IRL or URL when you’re shopping, kind of like Barry Schwarz talks about in his Paradox of Choice?
A: Not really online because you can set filters for price, size, shape, fabric, color, delivery, financing, and a bunch of other stuff. And when you come across that when you are shopping for something that you anticipate will be a great memory and family picture, it’s OK to have a lot of choices because you might have to buy a similar type of dress (for me) that’s not identical to the dresses I buy for my daughters, ya know?
Q: Definitely. That makes sense. OK, thank you! Now, when people are dating and one of them says: It’s all about the hunt, like one partner should play hard to get because after getting married, the hunt is over, so…
A: I think the other thing is — nothing’s more smothering to a guy than a girl that starts planning their future right after they start dating. Like I knew several friends who were a lot older than me and single and I knew why they were single. Every time they started dating, they’d start naming all their future kids and how many they want to have. And they guys would be like: “Um, that’s a little fast for me.”
Q: And where was this, like what city or state?
Q: Is the thrill of the hunt another type of anticipatory thinking?
A: It is but if you come on too strong it makes, if a girl comes on too strong, it makes it, it feels like pressure to a guy, Not just pressure but control.
Q: But the thrill of the hunt — you don’t want to play too hard to get or you do because then the man gets to use his creative thinking
A: Right but if you play too hard to get, they will think you aren’t interested but if you play — and for me, I don’t know if it was playing — I was shy and had a hard time expressing myself. So the way I would express myself would be in writing it down, so I wrote down what I was thinking and that worked at the time.
Q: OK, thanks and what did your boyfriend think of what you wrote?
A: Well, we went on a car ride after eating spaghetti at his father’s house and in the car on the way back to my place, he was talking like: should we get engaged? I knew that he had to work it out and talk himself into it before I yelled: Yes! Yes! Let’s get married! which is what I was actually feeling.
Q: Because then it would not have been about the hunt?
Q: Or is it more like a psychiatrist thing like you ask people questions and you help them work out their problems which sometimes is some part of their own behavior, so —
A: It was more like: my husband wasn’t sure and I wanted to give him space and time to think about what it meant and process like if we did get married, here’s what it would look like — during college, coming home after work, going to church, ya know?
THE BOTTOM LINE
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